pandemonium

It is crazy how close to the edge one can feel in just a blink of an eye. I am starting to feel like the eye of the tornado.

Chaos surrounding me everywhere I look and see that the slightest movement can send me to a place of no return.

Yelling is pointless and even breathing has become more difficult. I didn’t think this decision would lead to this much discomfort. Lord, please take this feeling from me.

Anxious. Why am I this anxious? Why won’t it slow down? Why does this always seem to happen at the worst time? How much longer will this last?

Our Little Sprout

Although you sprung from my womb, your existence was evident before our time. You were among the many seeds just waiting to be planted by the Gardener. By His grace, He chose us to help oversee your growth. Our position is not to grow your seed in the place or conditions we wish for you to be in. It is simply to utilize the resources we have been given and lay down a foundation of Agape so that you can set your roots and grow into what you were destined to be.

We don’t expect this new journey to be easy. There will be many days of droughts, and many days of floods. Conditions will not always be ideal and our tools will need to be upgraded from time to time. But hey, we will love and be thankful for every moment of it. As overwhelming as things may get, we dare not complain because we asked for this.

To our little sprout, these past two years have taught us so much and watching you grow has been a life changing experience. I pray that the Lord continues to deepen your roots and guide us to provide the right nourishment for you to bloom into the healthy, flourishing evergreen you were destined to be.

That…

That unsettling thought where you want to just erase people from your memory because the traumatic memories can be too overwhelming at times.

That bitter taste in your mouth that comes and goes because it is hard for you to accept that there is no “fixing” the past.

That cold to the touch feeling you get every time you are reminded that time is limited and the only one who can keep you from your destiny is you.

That annoying voice that keeps telling you to “Let go and let God” when all you want to do is scream.

And then there’s that…

That stubborn mentality that refuses to give up and continues to prove that maybe there is more fight left in you to heal!

IMagine

Imagine if your “enemy” felt the pain they caused you.

Imagine if the lies they put on your name touched their soul too.

Imagine if they had to suffer through the same trauma they put you through.

Imagine if they had to stand in the fire that they used to burn you.

Imagine if tears of shame fell from their eyes when they realized they were the issue.

Oh what a great relief it would be to see them hurting too.

Now imagine if the same things you wished upon that “enemy” someone wished upon you.

Oh how more dangerous this world would be if those imaginations came true.

hide and seek

It’s funny how we look at isolation and hiding as a protective measure but when just a little bit of light shines on us, scars appear and we become confused as to where they came from.

In the darkness, we hid ourselves from want we thought would harm us. We hid ourselves because we felt that was the best way to stay safe. We have become so blind that we don’t realize that we are also hiding ourselves from the truth. Fear kept us away from the true meaning of light. The love, hope, and nourishment of that Light.

And in reality, we were committing self harm.

Why do we tend to seek comfort in the darkness? Why have we become so accepting of the darkness surrounding us? Why is the feeling of love, hope, and joy so terrifying to imagine.

Why do we continue to wait for others to find us when the only one playing hide and seek is ourselves?